Anybody who knows me, knows I have struggled with my weight since I was a kid. I have always had a very unhealthy relationship with food, the numbers on the scale and body image. Some of my childhood nick names were E.Honda, CC (Chubby Chops), and as a teen a friend’s Dad commented constantly that I “Had an a** like a Hertford Ox).
I remember my Mom talking to me about how she had noticed I had put on some weight when I was about 9, and maybe I should limit myself. She was trying to be nice, but I was stubborn and offended. I was in control of what I ate and I could be as fat as I wanted. How those thoughts would haunt me for the next 20+ years when I realized I was not in control.
They weighed us each year in gym class and I clearly remember the dread of stepping onto that scale. In grade 4 I was 102lbs, in grade 5 I was up to 136lbs and in grade 6 I was 164lbs. That is a lot of weight to gain in about 2 years. Grade 7 I hit the 170’s and I have never been below that since. My weight fluctuated back and forth through high school from 170lbs-220ish lbs. I was over 220lbs when I graduated and in a matter of a couple months lost over 50lbs when my IBS peaked once I moved to Halifax. I managed to put it all back on with an extra 10lbs within 2 years.
When I got pregnant with Em and Kate I was about 215lbs and bounced around a lot until I hit my highest of 278lbs on New Years Eve 2013. It was then that I decided things had to change. I joined a weight loss challenge with my brother and managed to see the 220’s for a short time that summer. I put back on some weight and THEN I found out I was pregnant and stopped paying close attention to my weight. I came home from the hospital weighing about 240ish lbs. Since I’m breastfeeding I didn’t want to count calories and obsess about losing weight. I knew I was gaining, but I am either losing weight or I am gaining weight. I do not maintain. I have so many years of bad habits I don’t know how.
Last summer I was doing really well with eating healthy and I was walking 5k most nights with a friend. Tuesday night I went for a walk with that friend and decided I had to make some changes. When I arrived home, I put the kiddos to bed and then stepped onto the scale and………………….. 270 LBS!!!!! Wait, what? That can’t be right. I got off and hopped back on, moved the scale and tried again. The scale was not lying, I was up 10lbs since I last checked and a total of 30lbs since having Gavin. Most people lose weight after having a baby and while breastfeeding. Not me, I put on 30 LBS in 4 months!
Things need to change drastically and I need to get back on the path to a healthier and happier version on me. I am hoping that this blog and putting myself out there will help keep me accountable and on track. This terrifies me. I know I need to be careful about my calories so I don’t interfere with breast feeding, so I am concentrating on walking and limiting sweets and the amount I eat.
My long term goal is to get back down to about 17olbs and to run a 5K in the Valley Harvest Marathon. Hopefully both will be attained by the end of 2016. 🙂