Weighty Matters

Since my last post about my weight, I put back on what I lost that week plus another 20ish lbs. Just before Christmas I saw a number that was about 5lbs shy of 300! That should have been my wake-up call, but it wasn’t. The first week of January I had an appointment with my nurse practitioner about some “female issues” as my cycles were more messed up then ever. She prescribed hormones to hopefully reset my cycles and blood work. A few weeks later I got a call from the office telling me that my doctor wanted to see me as my liver enzymes came back elevated. I was sure my issues were weight related. I was going to lose this weight, and hopefully reverse some of the damage I had done, at the very least prevent further damage. The first week I did great. The next not so well, and the one after that, I went right back to ignoring my scales and how much food I was stuffing in my face. I had days where I was ready, I joined the gym on one of those days, then didn’t go for about 6 weeks. My anxiety got the better of me, every time I thought about going, my stomach would be in knots.

On Valentines Day, I went in to talk to my doctor. He informed me that my liver enzymes were 3 times the normal level and I probably have Fatty Liver Disease. Also, my blood sugar was in the pre-diabetic range. Great, not only am I fat, I am killing myself. I thought my levels were probably off a bit, but not 3 times what they should be. I have an ultrasound in May on my liver to see what is going on, and will probably need one yearly, as well as blood work every 6 months. I came out of that appointment horrified. It was worse then I had imagined. After my appointment, I was determined for a couple of days. I think for the next month or so I was all over the place and going through the 5 stages of grief. I was very angry at myself for letting it get this bad, I bargained with myself a LOT, was depressed and spent a lot of time in denial.

Last Thursday I think I hit the acceptance stage (I hope). I finally went to the gym that night and got all the jitters out. The next morning, I got up, weighed myself, took measurements and pictures. I decided I was going to add more exercise to my life, put back on my fitbit, record everything I put in my mouth and stay under my calories. I also am taking an appetite suppressant I picked up at Lawton’s for the first bit to help get me back on track. A week in and the scale is moving downwards at a reasonable rate.  I don’t expect this journey to be perfect and know I still have lots of ups and downs to go. I am aware this will be a huge struggle for the rest of my life, and at least for right now, I’m ok with it.

My March 24th weigh in was 288lbs.

288lbs

Weekly Wednesday Weigh in #1

After last Tuesday’s wake up call and seeing 270lbs flash across my scale, I decided I would start publically weighing in weekly. I check every morning, but will post weekly on my progress. My official  starting weight is 265lbs since that is where I was the next morning. This morning when I stepped on I saw 256lbs. So one week in and I am down 9lbs. I know I won’t see the scale move that fast from here on in, but I will enjoy watching the number go down.

My First Post.

Anybody who knows me, knows I have struggled with my weight since I was a kid. I have always had a very unhealthy relationship with food, the numbers on the scale and body image. Some of my childhood nick names were E.Honda, CC (Chubby Chops), and as a teen a friend’s Dad commented constantly that I “Had an a** like a Hertford Ox).

I remember my Mom talking to me about how she had noticed I had put on some weight when I was about 9, and maybe I should limit myself. She was trying to be nice, but I was stubborn and offended. I was in control of what I ate and I could be as fat as I wanted. How those thoughts would haunt me for the next 20+ years when I realized I was not in control.

They weighed us each year in gym class and I clearly remember the dread of stepping onto that scale.  In grade 4 I was 102lbs, in grade 5 I was up to 136lbs and in grade 6 I was 164lbs. That is a lot of weight to gain in about 2 years. Grade 7 I hit the 170’s and I have never been below that since. My weight fluctuated back and forth through high school from 170lbs-220ish lbs. I was over 220lbs when I graduated and in a matter of a couple months lost over 50lbs when my IBS peaked once I moved to Halifax. I managed to put it all back on with an extra 10lbs within 2 years.

When I got pregnant with Em and Kate I was about 215lbs and bounced around a lot until I hit my highest of 278lbs on New Years Eve 2013. It was then that I decided things had to change. I joined a weight loss challenge with my brother and managed to see the 220’s for a short time that summer. I put back on some weight and THEN I found out I was pregnant and stopped paying close attention to my weight. I came home from the hospital weighing about 240ish lbs. Since I’m breastfeeding I didn’t want to count calories and obsess about losing weight. I knew I was gaining, but I am either losing weight or I am gaining weight. I do not maintain. I have so many years of bad habits I don’t know how.

Last summer I was doing really well with eating healthy and I was walking 5k most nights with a friend. Tuesday night I went for a walk with that friend and decided I had to make some changes. When I arrived home, I put the kiddos to bed and then stepped onto the scale and………………….. 270 LBS!!!!! Wait, what? That can’t be right. I got off and hopped back on, moved the scale and tried again. The scale was not lying, I was up 10lbs since I last checked and a total of 30lbs since having Gavin. Most people lose weight after having a baby and while breastfeeding. Not me, I put on 30 LBS in 4 months!

Things need to change drastically and I need to get back on the path to a healthier and happier version on me. I am hoping that this blog and putting myself out there will help keep me accountable and on track. This terrifies me. I know I need to be careful about my calories so I don’t interfere with breast feeding, so I am concentrating on walking and limiting sweets and the amount I eat.

My long term goal is to get back down to about 17olbs and to run a 5K in the Valley Harvest Marathon. Hopefully both will be attained by the end of 2016. 🙂